How to Poop Quietly Anywhere (Without Worrying About Embarrassment)

Did you really just read that title? Yes, you did, and yes, here you are, reading an article about how to poop quietly.

Why did you do that? Well, because we all need to, sometimes.

We are human and humans poop. It’s natural, but it’s gross.

It is stinky and sometimes noisy.

However, we’re here to help.

Let’s look at how to delicately defecate.

We know you have all been there. Maybe you were in a class. Maybe you were at work, or at a friend’s house, a party, whatever.

When the urge strikes, you have to go with it. Otherwise, well, disaster.

Here are a few suggestions, just to get to the point.

 

1) Emergencies

 

And this is totally gross, but hey, it needs to be discussed.)

If you have diarrhea, you just need to find a bathroom as soon as possible. You may not be able to keep things quiet. You just need to let go.

However, if you leave the bathroom to find that the room has gone quiet, you can clutch your stomach and say, “I’m so sorry, I think I am sick.”

Nobody nice is going to have anything but understanding for a person who is sick to their stomach.

If they do, they are a lousy person. Sick is sick; you need some Pepto and a rest.

Hasn’t everyone been in that boat? You deserve sympathy and care. Anything else is just crappy (pun intended).

stomach pain

 

2) Find Privacy

 

If you feel the urge but have a little time, here is a favorite trick of ours: look for an out-of-the-way bathroom.

If you are at a school or college, take some time and get to know the campus. There will be small teacher’s bathrooms, office bathrooms, etc.

Spend a little time doing a search, if you are going to be spending considerable time somewhere (college campus, large workplace, etc.).

One hospital we know had a clean, quiet, public bathroom in their Psych department. No one was ever in there and it was very private.

At a party? There is usually a “guest bathroom” designated for guests (what else) but who is to say you can’t wander off the reservation and look for the Master bathroom or even a basement half-bath.

public bathroom

 

3) Drown Out Noise

 

Most bathrooms — either in workplaces or homes — have fans.

These are wonderful for drowning out noises.

Flip that switch and stop worrying.

They also get rid of unpleasant smells.

Also, if you are in a bathroom where there are doors, close them!

There may even be a bathroom door that is propped open. Close it. Why not.

bathroom exhaust fan

 

4) Shhh – be Quiet

 

This seems obvious, but try not to make extra noise when you are using the toilet.

Making obvious “pooping” noises will not help.

Actually, to be quite blunt, straining when you go #2 is hard on your body.

If you are eating right and exercising, this shouldn’t be a problem. If it is, consult your doctor. You may need a stool softener or a check-up to make sure there isn’t something else going on.

 

5) Don’t rush!

 

It’s hard on your body to rush. Wait until you are pretty sure you are ready to go; don’t go into the bathroom thinking it “should” be about time.

 

6) Airlines present special problems

 

For one thing, there is usually a line to use the bathroom, which may make you nervous and unable to go.

However, remember this. You may think you’re being noisy, but it’s actually hard to hear anyone in the bathroom on an airplane unless they are sitting right next to it.

Here is another thing: you will probably never see any of those people, again. So, who cares.

airplane

 

7) Flush, flush, flush

 

This will help with both odor and noise.

If the toilet is flushing but you are still going, that is definitely going to reduce the sound of you going to the bathroom. Be careful, though, that you don’t overdo it and then need the plunger!

 

8) Pick Opportune Times

 

Ten or fifteen into a staff meeting, quietly excuse yourself and go. Everyone is captive in that meeting. This is ideal.

Same situation for during class, or when the bride-to-be is opening gifts, whatever. Go when others are engaged.

 

9) Location, location, location

 

As they say in the real estate world. This means not picking the first public stall (head for the last one). Again, if you are at someone’s house, seek out that “other” bathroom.

public toilet

 

10) Muffle the sound

 

If you are in a public place if you put a seat liner into the toilet, and some toilet paper, that will help to muffle some of the sounds. Once you have gone, shut the lid! This will also help with the smell issues.

Having discussed a little about what to do when the urge strikes, let’s discuss how you may be better able to regulate your body. What does this mean?

It may mean that you can change your lifestyle, in a healthy way, so that you can use your own bathroom, privately, and not have to worry about public pooping.

Water is absolutely beneficial for digestion and regular bowel movements.

When was your last drink of water? If you can’t remember, you might want to have a glass, right now. If you experience constipation, try prune or pear juice.

drink water

Exercise is another factor that will help you to get regulated. There are even yoga poses that will help you with bowel movements! We can’t make this stuff up. Here¬†are some!

exercise

You might find that you need to go at the same time every day, and that time may not be optimal (i.e., in class, starting work, on the freeway (yikes!), etc.

If this is the case, there is an easy fix. Head to bed earlier.

You’ll need to re-adjust your inner clock.

While you may rebel against an earlier bedtime (shades of our younger selves), it’s so worth it to be able to be in the privacy of your own home rather than . . . in traffic or in class, a meeting, or whatever.

go to bed earlier

Coffee or Tea. Those of us who have achieved Regularity (don’t laugh; it’s better than the alternative) also swear by a routine hot beverage in the morning.

Our grandmother, every morning, drank a cup of very hot water with lemon. That did the trick for her. Whatever works, but a hot beverage can get you moving. Ahem.

lemon juice

Relax. Are you rushing around in the morning? It may be that your body just needs to relax in order to have a bowel movement.

In the unrelated to noise, but helpful, department: Buy some toilet drops. Squeeze a drop or two into the toilet bowl, and you won’t be “bombing” the bathroom. Everyone (mostly yourself) will be so grateful.

We hope this helps! Happy . . . um, never mind.

 

FAQs

 

1) What is the fear of pooping in public called?

The fear of pooping in public is a condition known as parcopresis.

It is a type of social anxiety disorder that can cause significant discomfort and embarrassment.

People with parcopresis may avoid public restrooms or activities that involve close proximity to others, such as airplane travel.

Treatment for parcopresis typically involves exposure therapy, which helps people gradually confront their fears.

Medication may also be prescribed to help ease anxiety.

With treatment, most people are able to overcome their fear and live normal, productive lives.

 

2) What happens if you hold in a poop?

When you have to go, you have to go – holding it in is never a good idea.

For one thing, it’s just uncomfortable. But it can also cause health problems.

When you hold in poop, you are actually reabsorbing some of the toxins and bacteria that your body is trying to rid itself of.

This can lead to an increase in intestinal inflammation and put you at risk for infections.

Additionally, holding it in can lead to constipation and straining, which can cause hemorrhoids.

So next time nature calls, just go with the flow!

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