How to Eat Chips Quietly In the Library (Without Getting in Trouble)

If you think this instructional essay is frivolous, well, then, you’ve never been (1) needing to use the library and (2) starving.


Eating and making noise are two things that are highly discouraged in libraries, but sometimes you just have to.

So, we did the research for you.


We are sitting in a library with a bag of Wavy Lays.

Things are fairly busy, and although we’ve selected an out-of-the-way table, we don’t have it to ourselves.


Step One: Don’t be obvious, obviously.


If you’re out somewhere in a crowded section, you are going to get disapproving stares.

Somebody might even narc on you to the librarian.

So our first advice is to be sneaky.

Sit somewhere that is out of the way, or disappear into the stacks for a few minutes.


Step Two: The bag.


The bag is the loudest part of the chips, and you have to get it open.

If you carry a swiss army knife that contains scissors, bingo.

Cut your bag open.

If not, you need to slowly, and carefully, open the bag.

We mean it — be careful, lest you spill the chips all over.

We think maybe we should have re-packaged our chips into a Ziploc, which would have been quieter.

Lesson learned.


Step Three: Chip removal.


Our test bag is 10 ounces, which means you can get your hand inside and rummage around.

We’ve put our bag back into our backpack, and are reaching down inside to extract chips.

A smaller bag would have been easier but we were hungry.

Reach slowly; the bag is crinkly and noisy.

There is also the problem that we are getting our fingers salty and greasy.

This is not okay; we are conducting an experiment and don’t want to ruin books.

We should have brought napkins. Duh.


Step Four: Eating the chips.


Chips are meant to be crunched.

Sadly, this makes a lot of noise.

We wish we had brought along a decibel meter, but they seem loud when you chew them.

The quietest way seems to be to take them out, individually and let them dissolve in your mouth like a communion wafer.

It’s not ideal, but getting them a little soggy quiets them down.

Eating them slowly also seems to help with the chewing noise.

Some of the chips are big, though; we need to break them into smaller pieces to get them into our mouths.

Life is complicated.

Note for next time: smash the chips just a little so that they are in bite-sized pieces.

Some of these Lay’s are huge. But delicious.


Step Five: What to do if you are busted.


We were, by our tablemate, who gave us a big dirty look.

We decided to apologize (“So sorry. Moreover, We are starving. This is really research for an article.”)

Then, we pulled out the bag and offered it to the offended party.

After a moment’s hesitation, he took some.

We were forgiven.

This might not work with everyone, though.

We think we were lucky.

Good luck.




1) Why do chips make so much noise?

Have you ever wondered why chips make so much noise?

It turns out that it has to do with the way that chips are made.

When a chip is created, the potato is first cut into thin slices.

These slices are then fried in hot oil until they are golden brown and crispy.

The high heat of the oil causes the water inside the potatoes to expand, creating pockets of steam.

As the steam escapes, it causes the chips to make a characteristic “crunching” sound.

So next time you’re enjoying a bag of chips, take a moment to appreciate the science behind that satisfying crunch.


2) Is eating chips once a week OK?

It’s Friday night, and you’re ready for a night in with your favorite movie and a big bowl of chips. But before you indulge, you may be wondering: is eating chips once a week OK?

The answer, of course, depends on a number of factors, including your overall diet and health status. If you generally eat a healthy diet and don’t have any chronic health conditions, then indulging in a bag of chips once a week is probably not going to do any harm.

In fact, according to some experts, eating moderate amounts of unhealthy foods can actually be beneficial, as it can help to satisfy cravings and prevent binge eating.

However, if you are trying to lose weight or have a history of cardiovascular disease, then you should probably avoid chips altogether. And even if you are generally healthy, it’s important to remember that chips are still high in calories and fat, so they should be eaten in moderation.

So go ahead and enjoy that bowl of chips—just don’t make it a habit.


3) Why are chips so addictive?

There’s no denying that chips are delicious. But why are they so addictive?

One of the reasons is the way they’re cooked. Most chips are fried, which gives them a crispy texture that’s hard to resist.

But it’s not just the texture that makes them so addicting. Chips are also usually coated in salt, which makes them even more irresistible.

In addition, many chips are also flavored with other seasonings like onion or garlic powder, which can make them even more addictive.

Lastly, chips tend to be high in fat, which can cause your brain to release dopamine, a neurotransmitter that’s associated with pleasure and addiction.

So next time you’re reaching for a bag of chips, remember that it might be more difficult to put them down than you think!


4) What can I eat instead of chips?

Potato chips are a popular snack food, but they are also high in fat and calories.

If you’re looking for a healthier option, there are several alternatives that can satisfy your craving for something salty and crunchy.

Popcorn is a good option, as it is low in calories and fat.

Another option is roasted chickpeas. These are high in protein and fiber, and they have a similar texture to chips.

You can also opt for veggie chips, which are made from vegetables like carrots or sweet potatoes. These provide some nutrients that regular potato chips lack.

Whatever option you choose, be sure to check the nutrition information to make sure you’re getting what you want out of your snack.

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